December 24th, 2009

Just a few hours from and my thirtieth birthday I’m finding out there there is no rewind button for age. The indelible persistence of time is quickly erasing what little is left of my roaring twenties.

So here I am, Christmas Eve 2009, sheepishly fading into my thirties. My youth lost, I’ve begun to ponder the comfort of a good pair of suspenders and the soothing benefits of Preparation H.

I’m more afraid of the physical effects of aging than anything. Like a good Canadian, I play a lot of hockey and the realization I’m already at my physical peak terrifies me. My knees are already wrapped in protective braces, so who knows what support my spongy decaying bones will soon require. I’m crossing my fingers that by the time I reach my forties medical science will be able to replace my splintered bones with shiny silver robotics á la Skynet. I’d consider a built-in flak cannon to be a bonus.

Gregg Beever 2020

I suppose I could be concerned about the decline of my youthful good looks. But I can face facts, I’m no Robert Pattinson, who is the bar for male attractiveness for some reason.

I'm very sexily pretending to eat a sandwich.

I’m half expecting my looks to horrifically melt away like the guy from “Raiders of the Lost Arc” anyhow, no point in getting worked up about it. I’ll just have to rely on my charm and wit to impressed the fairer sex.

Wanna go out for coffee sometime?

Filed under: General by Gregg |