January 18th, 2010

As promised, I continue doing my Nostradamus impression to see whats in store for us in 2010. Read on!

Sarah Palin: YouTube Star!
Frankly, I was shocked when Fox News announced Sarah Palin would be a regular contributor to their “news” team. Palin has worked hard to avoid being unscripted in front of the camera, on account of her dumbery. Appearing as an analyst on live TV – even the soft, safe cushiony Fox News Network – seems counter productive to the whole don’t-let-her-talk-she-might-say-something-retarded strategy Palin’s camp has developed for her. Then again, I’m not a political strategist.

Golly gee, shucks, darn tutin', wink

However, given Palin’s laughable quotability when she is allowed before cameras, I’m confident Sarah will have become even more of a YouTube sensation in 2010 than she already is.

Hipsters will slide further into nostalgic obscurity.
I think hipsters are starting to blur the line between what is ironically hip and what is just stupid.

A couple months ago I was at an arts and crafts fair (fuck you, it was cool) densely attended by hipster folk. I passed by a booth where a lanky fellow with bleached white hair was selling music. His inventory included the usual obscure bands no one’s heard of. What was unusual was the format some of these albums were recorded on: cassette tape.

Yup, these things.

Okay, unlike records, which I understand can replicate descent fidelity, cassettes have no redeemable quality. Unless you count frequent destruction at the hands of an angry, hungry tape deck as wicked sweet, there is absolutely no reason use this format ever again.

The eighties sucked for all kinds of reason, but few were as infuriating as the cassette tape. Their quality, which wasn’t awesome to begin with, would degrade over time to barely audible, leaving your treasured red colored Ninja Turtles soundtrack a disposable hunk of plastic and polymer. Fuck you cassette tapes!

I have to wonder what’s next? Are we going to start wearing parachute pants?

Oh. This is much worse.

Listen fellow hipsters, just cause something is old and rare doesn’t automatically give it ironic cache. Some things need to die, and stay dead. In summary, stop making me relive the 80’s.

Women will become obsolete.
Write 2009 down, ladies, as the last year men had any use for you, because 2010 marks the year the lovebot takes over.

The Replacement

Oh yes, a subservient love machine who’s only desire is to please us; clean up after us, mix our favourite drinks and read us the morning new paper. Think it’s a pipe dream? Oh, no, no, no. It’s already here, ladies, it’s already here.

Le Trung, a 33 year-old from Toronto, has built himself his very own robot girlfriend, and yes, she does all the things I mentioned above. Her name is Aiko, which mean “love child.” Appalled yet? Mr. Trung also programmed the robot to simulate having an orgasm.

Now you’re appalled.

Filed under: General by Gregg |