February 17th, 2010
Cadbury Mini Lumps
Alright Cadbury, I see you’ve recognized your delicious Mini Eggs are worth dump trucks of money.
As of 2009, Mini Eggs – historically one of Cadbury’s limited-time-only Easter candies – are now available year round in Canada. No longer will we have to wait to see that clucking rabbit fill the TV with his furry fuzzing face to know it’s time to get our candied-chocolate groove on. Which is great, everyone loves Mini Eggs, unless you’re Dick Cheney. That guy doesn’t “love” anything (except torture).
But what ever happened to the quality Mini Eggs, Cadbury? Remember the nice symmetrical eggs with cute little brown freckles on them?
Where did they go? Now your tiny, infertile eggs are just joyless, lumpy masses.
I don’t know much about making candy, but it seems to me pouring chocolate into a mould should yield fairly flawless results, n’est pas?
Cadbury is French, right?
Just kidding, England, they’re American now. Yay! Best be looking forward to the bastardizing of your cultural icon! Deep fried Mini Eggs, anyone?
The point is, Cadbury, stop fucking up our Mini Eggs! Take some pride in your work, for christ sake, and give us our goddamn brown freckles back!
I emailed a request for comment from Cadbury’s CEO, but it was not immediately returned.
Holy fuck, get laid already. Does your boyfriend know you’re this boring and totally full of yourself? I’ve never been to a site before and totally wanted to punch the author more in the mouth than ihatehumans.ca.
You honestly have nothing better to do than write about candy eggs? Did you get laid off from your job at the glory hole?
I did get laid off from my job at the the glory hole. Most people don’t think glory holes have staff members, but let’s face it, glory holes present a large sanitation risk and need to be bleached regularly.
But unfortunately, in these tough economic times, businesses are cutting back, and the glory hole industry is no different. So I’m out of work, seems rude to call attention to it, Mr. Brown.
It’s odd that somebody with the last name of Brown has a problem with glory hole jobs…